As the country heads back to work and school, it's a great time to remind customers that you have killer rates for auto loans. So, First Tech Federal Credit Union's marketing email to members yesterday promoting a 2.99% rate was well timed. And I love how the message is direct and to the point.

While the email could use a little more visual punch (graphics/typography), First Tech nailed the timing, product, price, and headline. So it is 90% there even before reading the copy. However, that's where the effort falls a bit short. Here's why (numbers correspond to screenshot below):

Minor issues in copywriting:
1. The second sentence in the opening paragraph is awkward because the phrase "keep that new auto loan payment in check..." is hard to understand. If you pair "check" with "payment," it sounds like you are referring to a checking account, not a low-payment amount.

2. Be careful with how you talk about rate discounts. They way First Tech wrote it, ".25% rate discount" sounds like the loan rate is going to be chopped by a full 25% instead of 25 basis points. It would be better to put a zero in front of rate, e.g., "0.25%" and perhaps call it a "rate reduction" instead of discount to be perfectly clear. 

Weak "offer acceptance:"
3. It's too hard to find the loan application in order to take advantage of the great rate. Members are directed back to the First Tech homepage where they must search for an loan app. The CU should either take members directly to a specific landing page for this offer, or at least drop them on the auto loan page. It does help that one of the four rotating homepage banners is for auto loans, but it's third in the rotation and only stays in view for 15 seconds or so.

In addition, not everyone wants to research and/or apply online. A phone number, at least for more information, would be a welcome addition to the message.

Finally, there is no sense of urgency, e.g., "the rate is guaranteed through the weekend" or even "act now before rates increase."

Overall grade: B

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First Tech Credit Union email to members promoting 2.99% auto loans (31 Aug. 2011; 9:28 AM Pacific)